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RESOURCES - Articles
The Angry Child — Q&A
Is anger normal?
Anger is a normal pervasive emotion. Expressed and handled correctly, anger promotes
understanding and cooperation between family members and peers. Being able
to accept and express normal feelings of anger in a constructive and nonaggressive
way promotes emotional health and satisfying relationships with others. Sometimes
used as a coping device, anger can show up at school, at home, and in social
situations.
What happens if anger gets out of control?
When anger gets out of control and starts to rule and ruin an individual’s
life, it becomes almost an illness in and of itself. Poorly controlled or misplaced
anger can do enormous damage. If anger becomes the predominant way that individuals
communicate with each other, it creates even more anger with no resolution. A
child who grows up without ever getting a handle on his or her temper is likely
to go through life having difficulties with others. Parents need to get to the
root of the problem, and teach the child to express anger in a constructive way.
How do parents become victims of anger?
If their positive behavior doesn’t get rewarded or noticed sufficiently,
sometimes children resort to anger, a basic negative behavior, to get their parents
to pay attention to them. Children get into the habit of using their anger to
get what they want. If parents easily acquiesce, children learn that anger is
a very effective means for them to get their way. When this happens repeatedly,
displays of anger are very likely to become the way these children try to assert
their wishes. Children may try to “set their parents up” by seeking
attention in negative ways.
Are some children born “angry”?
Some children are born with “difficult” temperaments and tend to
have trouble controlling anger. As early as three months of age these children
have a tendency to be irritable, sleep irregularly, eat in a fussy manner and
have frequent bad moods.
Why is it so difficult to uncover the reasons behind anger?
A child may use anger as a way to cope, as a defense mechanism, or as a copying
device, imitating another person’s angry behavior. Children unconsciously
imitate their parents. The ways in which you and your children express anger
are very likely to be mirrored in each other’s behavior. Abused children
often assume a belligerent stance when trying to cope with their trauma. A child
may also choose the shortcut of anger instead of expressing feelings of inadequacy
with schoolwork or friends.
How does a divorce effect a child’s emotions?
The negative emotions and uncertainty in the break up of a marriage inevitably
affect children. Since most children can’t express their feelings directly
about their parents’ divorce, they usually act out those feelings. And
the most common emotion children use in “acting out” during a divorce
is anger.
What other problems can cause a child’s angry behavior?
Anger and other unhealthy behavior is seen as a symptom of family dysfunction.
A mental or physical illness in the family can throw the family system out of
kilter. Anger can also be a symptom for many psychological and physical illnesses
of childhood, including Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), conduct
disorder, depression, panic disorder, chemical dependency, personality disorder,
epilepsy, Tourette’s syndrome, mental retardation, or brain damage.
What is the difference between explosive and seething anger?
Explosive anger builds up very rapidly, erupts, and then subsides. Although in
many situations it is healthy to express anger directly and immediately, in some
cases an explosive reaction can get us into trouble. Seething anger often takes
the form of a grudge or an outright act of revenge. This sort of anger seems
to rise gradually but continues for long periods of time. Seething anger can
become an obsession, preoccupying people’s waking thoughts.
How can children learn to control their tempers?
Most of us have more control over our anger than we think we do. The most effective
device to calm down out of control children is to take a “time out.” Children
are asked to sit in one place for several minutes and try and control their anger.
Restitution is also an effective way of allowing children to experience firsthand
what damage their anger has done. It’s very important for angry people
to do something to repay those they have injured. Children who lose their temper
learn more from doing than from having things taken away from them.
Should angry behavior be medicated?
All medications have potentially harmful side effects and should only be used
when behavioral techniques and psychological treatments have proved inadequate.
They are not a panacea. Although medications can be an important part of a comprehensive
approach to helping children and adolescents tame anger, I only use them after
considering each individual’s needs carefully and weighing the risk of
side effects versus the potential benefits.
Are there any anger control “techniques” parents should be aware
of?
Both adolescents and smaller children need to learn how to control their anger
so that it doesn’t control them. Because teens are older, parents can teach
them by offering constructive suggestions for alternative ways of acting other
than anger. The pattern of parental responses to adolescent anger include prevention,
crisis management, and processing or “thinking it over.”
What therapies are most successful in treating anger?
Family therapy treats the individual in the context of the larger family system.
The main tenet in family therapy is that if the family’s problems are improved,
the child’s symptomatic behavior will decrease. Individual therapy gives
children and adolescents the opportunity to discuss in detail those issues in
their lives that are bothering them. Group therapy allows individuals to learn
from others with similar problems and compare notes with peers on issues like
self-esteem, family problems, rejection and school failure. Through successful
therapy, patients will come to realize that anger usually results in long-term
liabilities such as alienation from family and friends, loss of education opportunities
and job advancements, the breakup of important relationships.
Foundations Behavioral Health
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